Disorder in the Court

These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are  things people actually said in court, word for word, taken  down and now  published by reporters – who had the torment of staying  calm while  these exchanges were actually taking place. Some of these are  excellent:

Q: Are you sexually  active?
A: No, I just lie there.
Q: What is your date of  birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
Q: What  gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and   Reeboks.
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your  memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I  forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of  something that you’ve forgotten?
Q: How old is your  son, the  one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember  which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five  years.
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke  up that morning?
A: He said, “Where am I,  Cathy?”
Q: And why did that  upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
Q: Do you know if your daughter  has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q:  Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
Q: Now  doctor, isn’t it true  that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t  know about it until the next morning?
Q: The youngest son, the  twenty-year old, how old is he?
Q: Were you present when your  picture was taken?
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was  August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
Q: She  had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were  boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
Q: How was your  first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it  terminated?
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about   medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
Q:  Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a  deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when  I go to work.
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on  dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: All your responses must be oral,  OK?
What school  did you go to?
A: Oral.
Q: Do you recall the time that you  examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr.  Dennington was  dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table  wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
Q: Are you qualified to give  a urine sample?
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy,  did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is  possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on  my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive,  nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and  practicing law somewhere.